Taking the Twins to the Mall
by TEvans3
Summary: Jack takes the kids shopping... it's not as easy as his wife thinks it is. Gonna be like 6 or more chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Stargate SG-1**

Taking the Twins to the Mall

Jack takes the kids to the mall... pretty much.

A quick briefing – Set about 11 years and seven months after Continuum. Jack's been retired for just over eleven years, Carter six years. They've got eleven year old twins, Olivia and Danny.

I don't own Stargate or anything, unfortunately.

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-Stargate-

The most annoying sound rang through Jack's ears, he groaned and opened one eye and looked at the clock. 7am. He moaned and rolled over to his other side to see his wife turning off the alarm. He put his arm around her stomach and kissed her back. "It's seven am" He mumbled into her back, still half asleep and wondering why she was getting up so damn early.

She smiled and turned round to him. "I got to give a briefing on the plans for the new space ship at the SGC, remember" She kissed him softly smiling, knowing it was too early for the man to remember anything.

"You're supposed to be retired" He yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Which means staying in bed with me until a lot later than seven in the morning"

She smiled widely at him, gave him another kiss and jumped out of bed. "So that means you've got the kids today" She drew back the curtains. "And they both need new shoes"

Jack loved having the kids but taking them shopping... it was always, well, interesting. "You want me to take them to the mall?" His eyebrows rose with a little nervousness in his voice as he watched the scientist walk round to his side of the bed with a massive grin on her face.

"You'll be fine Jack"

"But Sam..." Was all he could say before she kissed him softly on the lips.

"Love you" She said with a cheeky grin on her face and headed into the bathroom.

"This is gonna be fun" He muttered to himself sarcastically as his head hit the pillow.

-Stargate-

"Dad, can I drive?" Danny Junior asked as he picked up Jack's truck keys off the kitchen side.

"No you can't" Jack retorted and took the keys off his son. "Not for another seven years... maybe" Which got a typical 'ah what' of the kid. Jack rolled his eyes with a smile creeping on his lips and gulped down the rest of his coffee. "Where's ya sister?"

"Fixing the laptop"

Jack raised an eyebrow, man she was so much like her mother. Eleven years old and already fixing laptops. "What happened to the laptop?"

Danny shoved his hands in his pockets. "I dunno" He said casually but Jack could tell he was lying.

Jack raised his eyebrows watching Danny.

"I broke it" The eleven year old confessed. "It was an accident, I swear"

Jack rolled his eyes, it was like living with a mini Carter and O'Neill sometimes. "Alright, come on" He said scuffing the kids brown short hair and walked towards the door. "Olivia! Come on, we gotta go"

Danny had already made his way out of the door shouting "Shotgun" as he did.

"Okay Daddy, coming" A little voice was heard followed seconds later by his long blonde haired daughter walking down the hall to him. "Danny broke the laptop downloading car racing games... I was just fixing it"

"Yeah I heard you little braniac" He smiled at her. "Come on sweetie, off shopping we go" He escorted her out of the door.

"I'm sure it won't be as bad as the last time you took us Daddy"

"Yeah, we'll see" He said doubtfully as he closed the front door.


	2. No Naff Gun Wars

-Stargate-

"Alright, listen up" Jack halted in the car park just before they entered the mall and turned to face his kids.

Olivia looked up wide blue eyed to her father, almost as if she were standing to attention.

Danny just rolled his brown eyes with his hands deep in his pockets. "You're not gonna go all commanding officer on us are ya?"

Jack gave his son a sharp look. "No, I'm gonna go all father on ya" He mimicked his sons tone. "Which is a lot scarier" He grinned at them both. "Stay with me at all times, don't touch anything that looks expensive... actually don't touch anything, please try not back chatting the annoying checkout lady again"

"Well she deserved it" Olivia scoffed.

Jack gave her a warning look but couldn't help the little smile. "And NO sliding down the escalator. If for any reason you get separated from me, meet at the doughnut stall. Understood?"

"Yes Daddy" Olivia said innocently.

"Yes Sir" Danny gave a mocking salute with a cheeky grin on his face.

Jack gave them both a long look before raising a hand as he remembered something else. "No pretend war games with the naff guns..."

"Nerf guns" His daughter corrected.

"Whatever... so none of that please. I really don't want another confrontation with an angry old man who got caught between your crossfire" That was an interesting day.

"Which reminds me, I need a new one Dad"

Jack chuckled shaking his head. "I don't think so Danny, not after your sister tampered with your old one... my heads still spinning from last time"

"I only made it better Daddy"

Jack raised an eyebrow at his daughter. "Better? It was ten times faster and more powerful. It was perfectly fine the way it was. Right, let's move out" He really wasn't looking forward to this, a fire fight with the Jaffa was a lot easier than taking two hyperactive kids into a fast moving mall.


	3. We Really Should Bring Radio's

-Stargate-

As soon as they stepped into the mall, Olivia and Danny convinced their Dad to watch the new movie 'Back to the 70's' in the cinema. When the movie finished they walked out, drinks in their hands and popcorn stuck between their teeth.

"It's just a movie" Jack sighed rolling his eyes.

"They still could of made it realistic. Everything they done when they went back in the past should of changed the events of the future and they certainly..."

"You..." Jack cut her off before she went into some science babbling frenzy. "... Spend way too much time with your Mom"

Danny stuck his tongue out at Olivia. "Who cares? It was a cool movie" He slurped his drink.

"That's the attitude Danny" He grinned scuffing the kid's hair. "Come on then, we gotta get your shoes" He said as he spotted the shoe store a few stores down.

Olivia grabbed her Dad's hand as they began walking. A few yards and they were there.

"The quicker you pick your shoes the quicker we can get ice cream" He turned around to find Danny was missing. He face palmed himself. "Olivia, where's your brother?" He said through his teeth.

Olivia shrugged. "He was right behind us"

"Oh fer cryin' out loud" He put his hands through his hair. "We gotta start bringing radio's" He noted to himself and then his mobile rang, he snapped it open without looking at the ID and put it against his ear. "What?" He answered impatiently.

"Everything's going well then" Samantha's sarcastic tone came though the other side followed by a giggle.

He looked at his daughter with an 'Oh crap' expression. "Hey" He changed his voice to a more calming tone. "How's the briefing going?"

"We're just having a break so I'd thought I'd ring to see if everything's okay"

"You bet, they've picked their shoes" Jack lied.

"It's going smoothly?" Carter asked doubtfully.

"Of course. Anyway I gotta go, at the checkout. I'll see ya later, love ya" He rushed and put the phone down. He exhaled. "That was close" He held Olivia's hand. "C'mon we better find that brother of yours before your Mom zats me"


	4. Got Yourself A Little Hero

Thank you all for your comments I appreciate it! Glad ya enjoying it...

-Stargate-

"Daddy, do you really think Danny is going to do what you told him to do?" Olivia said as she walked by her Dads side holding his hand.

Jack sighed. "I highly doubt it kiddo. But still, in the minute chance he has, we better check" Jack said going as fast as he could with little legs as company to the doughnut stall.

They got to the doughnut stand and Jack stood straight, hands on hips looking around.

"Told you" Olivia smiled like butter wouldn't melt. "Mommy is going to kill you"

Jack was about to give her a very inpatient retort but was cut off by an announcement blaring through the mall.

"_Security to Worm's DVD Store, security to Worm's DVD Store"_

"Ah!" Jack had a gut feeling this was something to with his soon-to-be grounded son. Without a word he grabbed his daughter once again and made his way in a huff to the DVD store.

He was right, there was Danny stood with the shop assistant and two security officers. Jack didn't even want to begin to think what he'd been doing.

"What did I tell you about leaving my side?" Jack said as he walked over to them. "I'm so sorry, whatever the damage I'll pay" Jack apologized to the security guards and assistant while pulling out his wallet.

"No need Sir, you're son actually saved the day" One of the security guards grinned.

Jack looked at them both in shock and denial. "What?" Was all he could get out as a few seconds earlier he was ready to go berserk.

"Seems you got yourself a little hero here. He managed to stop a shop lifter we've been trying to nail for weeks"

Jack's eyebrows rose in surprise and looked at each of the adults in turn then down to his son.

"We could do with a kid like this in the force"

"Well, er..." Jack shook his head still surprised then smiled and put his hand on Danny's shoulder. "Well done kiddo, looks like you've got yourself a job" He chuckled a little.

Danny grinned widely at his Dad. "They gave me a free Simpsons DVD"

"Sweet!" His face then turned serious. "But next time don't just disappear like that" He turned to the security officers. "Thank you" And grabbed his sons hand.

"Thank you Sir and thank you young Danny" They waved the family off.

"Holy Hannah Danny, you are so brave" Olivia was gobsmacked and proud of her brother.

"It was so cool. I seen him slipping DVD's into his coat and he saw me looking. He started to run so I ran after him and tripped him over and bam..." He trailed off talking of the events.

Jack rolled his eyes, he was proud of his son, but these kids really knew how to drive their father crazy. And they still had to get them damn shoes.


	5. Daaaaddyyyy Pleeeease!

-Stargate-

Jack sat watching his kids with his elbows resting on his thighs and his chin resting in his palms. "Fer cryin' out loud how long does it take to pick a pair of shoes?" He muttered to himself. Thirty minutes they'd been trying on many different shoes, making an excuse, no matter how small, about every one of them. Finally Danny headed over to him with a pair of Nike trainers.

"Got some Dad, they're sick"

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Sick? They look pretty healthy to me" He took them off his son's hands and inspected them. "Ninety dollars?" His jaw dropped. "Ninety dollars for a pair of sneakers!?"

"They're Jordan's Dad"

"I don't care who's they are... I am not paying that much for a pair of sneaker's that will be filled with holes within a month. Go and give them back to Jordan and pick a cheaper pair"

"I promise I'll look after them... beside's they're pretty tough trainers"

Jack scratched his head. "Fine, whatever" If it meant getting home quicker, he'd do anything but he still thought it was a rip-off. Olivia then walked over to then clenching a pair of glitter pink high heels. Jack held up his hands. "Hell no! No way!"

"But Dad they are so pretty"

"There's no chance Olivia" Jack shook his head.

"Daaaddyyyy, pleeease" She pleaded putting on puppy eye's.

"I'm not gonna change my mind. Go pick something that's normal, suitable shoes" He gestured over to the flat shoes with hand signals.

With a big huff she spun on her heels and did as she was told. She eventually picked a pair of non-heel pumps, which was also a little extravagant in price, but Jack had lost all patience and frankly was sick of looking at shoes.

"Can we have jell-o and ice cream now?" Olivia asked as she proudly carried her new shoes out of the shop.


	6. Don't Shoot Your Dad

-Stargate-

The ice-cream and jell-o eating went pretty smoothly. Well, Danny did somehow manage to break the ice-cream machine but Olivia thankfully fixed it before the mall was full of strawberry ice-cream.

They were almost near the departure door for the mall when the kids stopped gawping at a picture on the toy store window. Jack turned round to them. "So close" He winced.

"Dad! Dad!" Both kids shouted to him in excitement.

"What is it?" Jack walked over to them and looked up to see what their eyes were set on. It was the latest Naff... Nerf gun. "No way" He waved both his hands sternly. "Let's go"

"But Daddy it's the newest one. The aim is more stable, it holds more cartridges, it even has an aim laser and, and..."

"I don't care if it was made of gold and could make pancakes" Jack cut Olivia off.

"We won't tell Mom what happened today" Danny bribed with a cheeky grin on his face.

"That aint gonna work with me kiddo"

"Hmm wonder what Mommy will say when she finds out Daddy lost Danny..." Olivia looked at Danny.

"In a massive busy mall... she's going to be mad"

Jack glared at both of his grinning kids, 'well played' he thought. "Alright" Since when did he become such a push-over. He was supposed to be a former General in charge of a top secret base for crying out loud.

The kids squealed and jumped with joy before grabbing their Dad and hugged him. "Thank you Dad! Thank you Daddy!" They both screeched.

They were finally on route through the car park to the truck, Jack felt so relieved and couldn't wait to get home and crack open a beer with his feet up. He pressed his keys and along with a beep unlocked the truck.

"FALL BACK!" Came from behind him.

He spun around and before he could blink, BANG! "Argh! What the hell!?" He held his forehead where he was starting to feel a stinging sensation.

"Oops, sorry Dad" An apologetic Danny said followed by giggles off both kids.

Jack rubbed his head. "What have I told you about shooting your Dad?"


	7. Mission Completed

-Stargate-

Just after 18:00 Carter walked through the front door of their home and dumped down her bag. She closed the door slowly looking around, it seemed far too quiet. She walked into the living area and a massive smile fell on her face as she saw the sweetest picture. Her husband with his arms around their kids and their heads resting on his chest. All sound asleep while The Simpsons was playing on the TV. She giggled and walked over to them, kissing both kids on the forehead when Jack opened his eyes.

"Hey" He said sleepily.

"Exhausting day?" She smiled and gave him a kiss.

He looked at both kids then back at Carter. "You could say that"


End file.
